Tarot To The Rescue is a new monthly feature on my blog.  I’ll be tackling different life issues and showing you how tarot can be a valuable tool to help you navigate through these challenges.  As a long time tarot reader, I have used the cards myself to seek guidance, check my own inner compass and find direction through those sticky moments in life.  If you’d like to see me handle a dilemma here, please email me at tarotlady@wi.rr.com with your suggestion.  (Please note: I am not accepting requests for actual readings on this column. I am only tackling issues in a general format.  Also, this column – and tarot – is not a substitute for legal, medical or psychiatric help.)

Leaving A Toxic Situation

Often in my tarot reading practice, I come across people who are in very toxic, nasty situations.  This can range from bad jobs to addictive relationships to sick family dynamics.  While the logical advice may be to “just walk away” from all that drama, sometimes people remain because they feel powerless to leave.

I know.  I’ve been there myself.  That feeling of helplessness and being stuck is probably one of the most horrible feelings in the world.

Why do we stay in something that is harmful?

There are many reasons why a person may choose to remain even when they know that the situation is bad for them.

Guilt.  Fear.  Survival.  Love.  Trying to “do the right thing”. Not knowing that there can be something better.

Gathering the courage to leave may not come until a person has either done deep reflection, long term counseling or have simply gotten to the point where they see no other alternative.  They get fed up.  Sick of the sickness.

But leaving may still be riddled with all sorts of mixed feelings – fear being the primary one.  What if that mean old boss started treating me better?  What if my partner stopped drinking?  What if I can’t find a place to live?  What if my friend tells the truth?  What if mom gets better?  WHAT IF.

WHAT IF is the slogan of delusion.  False hopes.  WHAT IF will keep you trapped longer than you can imagine.

I’ve done WHAT IF until I finally found that there was no solid hope in WHAT IF.  Only disappointment.  (I still struggle with WHAT IF on occasion.  I am working on that.)

WHAT IF is not practical.  

And this is where tarot can help.  Tarot can cut through the WHAT IF and give insight into WHY, WHAT and HOW – three questions that can empower the querent and help them move forward with grace and courage.

Here’s a technique I like:  I take some time to consider the situation and then formulate helpful questions focusing on my feelings, fears, and different outcomes (no WHAT IF garbage either).  I write my questions down and then create a spread based on those questions.  I shuffle the cards, thinking about my situation. Then I fan the cards out and choose one for each question.

For leaving a toxic situation, these are the questions I came up with:

1. Why do I continue to stay in this situation?
2. What can I learn by staying?
3. How can I honor myself and my needs should I decide to stay?
4. How will leaving the situation help me?
5. What is the best way for me to leave this situation?
6. What is my overall lesson?

Let me demonstrate how this works.  Not too long ago, I had to leave a situation that had become very toxic for me.  This involved the betrayal of a friend.  I tried to hang around but knew deep down inside that once that trust was broken, things would never be the same.  Plus I could see that the betrayer was continuing their ways and sadly, was probably not going to evolve.  Sticking around was a no-go for me.  It was too upsetting and unhealthy.

Yet I almost lingered.  WHAT IF came up.  WHAT IF they became honest?  WHAT IF people get mad at me for walking away and taking a hard line?  WHAT IF I am being too much of a hard ass? Time for Tarot To The Rescue!

Using the spread I created above, here were my answers:

1. Why do I continue to stay in this situation?  Strength card: this card shows a woman closing the jaws of a lion.  She is calm and powerful.  Perhaps I feel that in some way I can “help” this person by sticking around.  That desire to be the “good guy” is my motivator.  I’ve always been a “helper” personality and have found that many times, I thought I was helping but in reality, I was enabling – or taking on the responsibility for their transgressions.
2. What can I learn by staying?  King of Wands: I can learn to be a voice of integrity and to master my own inner truth should I decide to stay in this situation.  I can learn how to lead with dignity and honesty.  Rather than “fixing” someone else, perhaps I can develop myself and my own integrity.
3. How can I honor myself and my needs should I decide to stay? 8 of Swords reversed: by not attaching myself to the outcome.  Not worrying about whether or not this other person will progress.  Minding my own karma.  The figure in this card is bound and blindfolded – reversed, this suggests releasing myself from the situation.  That is not an indicator that I should be hanging around.
4. How will leaving the situation help me?  7 of Cups: leaving will remove emotional doubt from my life.  I will be able to stop trying to figure out if this person is being honest or not.  I will have more clarity and no more guessing games.
5. What is the best way for me to leave this situation?  5 of Pentacles reversed: there is not going to be a graceful exit. (I was not happy seeing that card, btw.) I may end up getting hurt or shunned.  I will have to tap into that inner strength that I want to use to help that other person and help myself instead. Charity begins at home.  Develop compassion for myself and prepare for a difficult ending.  Abandon it even if it feels like a big loss.  Put them out in the cold.
6. What is my overall lesson?  9 of Wands: boundaries with friends.  The man in the card has a wound on his head but he seems strong, rebuilt.  He stands alone and keeps a wary eye on what is to come.  This says to me that my misguided attempts to help someone else (even if my intentions were pure) will only lead to hurting myself and putting myself in a situation that might continue to bring pain.

After doing that reading, it was clear to me that the situation was more about developing  healthy boundaries.  Although my natural urge was to “help”, I would be better pouring that energy into helping myself rather than waiting around to see if this person could be “fixed”.

This reading gave me the impetus to walk away firmly and set a strong boundary.  It was not easy (and I did suffer a few scrapes) but ultimately, the peace of mind that I have had since then has proven to me that this was a necessity.

I am no longer plagued with the WHAT IF around this situation.  Now I can focus on WHAT IS.

And here’s my WHAT IS: relationships based on trust and honesty are the only ones worth keeping in my life.

Blessings!

Theresa

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

©Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2011

Have you struggled to leave a situation that was not healthy?  How did you deal with it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.  And if you try this technique, I’d love to hear your results as well.

I’ve been in a long term tarot relationship.

In fact, it’s been a 30 year love affair that has outlasted almost every other relationship I have ever had.  (I’m very commitment-phobic and get bored easily – yet I never get sick of tarot and I dedicate considerable time to it.)

After such considerable time together, you develop a certain level of intimacy that allows you to understand your partner’s moods and quirks rather deeply.  My tarot cards have taught me a lot about how they operate.

And this is what I have learned:

You don’t have to be psychic to read tarot cards.  But tarot can help you to become more intuitive.  Practice often enough and soon enough, you’ll tap into that vast well of mystical wisdom deep within YOU.

Physical death rarely comes up in a tarot reading.  My tarot gets all touchy and creeped out and prefers to tiptoe around the subject.  I’ve had a lot of deaths around me the last 5 years and my cards were never comfortable making a prediction on anyone’s demise.  But it has been great for helping me to cope with the grieving process and I’ve gotten crystal clear communication from my deceased loved ones using tarot

Tarot is a sensitive instrument.  If you are highly anxious or obsessive, it will withdraw and shut down.  My cards are happier when I approach them with a calm and centered mind.

Tarot is never a substitute for therapy.  It can play a role in healing but it will never take the place of a licensed therapist.

Tarot does not like to beat a dead horse.  Ask the same question again and again and soon you’ll discover that they will give you the run around.  My cards have ADHD and will get very bored if you continue to pester them.  Oh – and they are not stupid.  So don’t try to ask the same thing in a new way just to get the answer you want.  You’ll get nothing.  Nada, zilch.

Timing is not a perfect science. Many things – including your choices as well as the choices of others – can effect timing.  The cards can give a general timeline but it is still your actions that determine how fast or slow something materializes.

Tarot hates agendas.  An open mind free from attachment to outcomes will lead to the clearest, most accurate answers.

Tarot cannot give you a guarantee. Your future is not written in stone. You always have a choice and you can change course at any time (and so can other people for that matter).

Each tarot deck has a unique world view.  Some of my decks are really sweet and some are kinda bad ass thuggy.  They all have a language of their own.  A diverse tarot collection allows me to broaden my knowledge and expand my tarot horizons (and have  options to suit different personalities).

Whether newly in love with your tarot deck or happily committed for many years, you’ll continuously discover new layers and depth the longer you stay together.

I’m looking forward to my 50 year anniversary one day.  I wonder how I will feel about my tarot cards then?

“The closeness of your relationships is directly proportional to the degree to which you have revealed the truth about yourself.” ~ Unknown

Blessings!

Theresa

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2011

What kind of relationship do you have with your tarot cards?  What have you learned about them?  Share your insights in the comment section below:

Most people come to a tarot reader because they are seeking clarity in their lives.

But there may be times when a reading won’t give you the answers you are looking for.  Is it because the reader sucked – or is it you?

In some cases a reader may indeed lack talent or perhaps have trouble making a connection to you but there are some measures you can take to get the most bang out of your tarot reading. And it begins with CLARITY on your part. (Funny how the universe works, isn’t it?)

Here’s what you need to do before you walk in the door and expect to be dazzled:

1. Know what kind of reading you want.  There are many different approaches to tarot.  Some offer straight up predictions, some are therapeutic, some can be interactive and there are those who are only about entertainment.  Find a style that appeals to you and then begin searching for a reader who fits the bill.
2. Pick a reader who is compatible with your energy because simply put, no reader can read for everyone.  A few tips for finding the right reader:
1. You can go by word of mouth but a word of caution: what someone considers a “good reading” may not be your cup of tea.  Be sure to ask details about what they liked or didn’t like about the reading.
2. If they have a website, read it carefully to see if you can get a feel for their personality.  Know their guidelines so you can honor their boundaries (ex: some readers do not answer questions about other people).
3. Contact the reader directly and ask questions about their methods and policies.  If you feel comfortable, it’s probably a good sign that you will be compatible. (In my opinion, this is the best barometer for making your decision.)
3. Get in the right mindset.  Approach your reading with openness. If you are coming in with a skeptical “prove it to me” attitude, you are putting your reader in a hostile and defensive position which is never conducive for a good reading.  Also, never ever get a reading if you are anxious or hysterical.  A desperate frame of mind will only hear what they want to hear, for good or for ill.
4. Write down your questions before you come.  There is nothing worse than walking out the door and forgetting the “big question” you wanted to ask.  Having a list keeps you focused and organized and insures you get the important questions answered.
5. Tape your reading.  This allows you to focus on the reading rather than taking notes. Plus it’s handy for reflecting later. (For the record, I prefer taking notes when I get a reading as I know I will never listen to a recording but that’s just me.)
6. Don’t be vague. Ask specific questions.  Be direct and to the point. Also, be sure to ask questions that empower your situation (ex: “What can I do to achieve _______?”)And please, resist the urge to “test” your reader by dragging a red herring across the question. An honest request to the universe creates honest, clear answers.
7. Give time for things to percolate.  Avoid the temptation to go back and revisit the reading without allowing enough time to pass.  Coming in and hammering the same question over and over only leads to a frustrated reader and mixed messages.  (My cards get very snotty when people are aggressively asking the same questions too often.)

In any service oriented business (yes, tarot reading is one), it is imperative that you be a good consumer.  If you’ve done your homework, you will be able to approach your reading with trust, openness and a clear agenda. And that is the perfect recipe for a great tarot reading.

Blessings!

Theresa

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

special thanks to taoxproductions for the image

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2011

What are your tips for getting a better tarot reading?  I’d love to hear your suggestions!  Post them in the comment section below:

There it was again. The 8 of Cups. And I was not happy to see it.

I have a weird history with that card.  When I first started learning tarot, I thought it was a rather gentle card that suggested leaving behind worldly success for something more meaningful.  How poetic, right?

But in my own personal readings, this card has taken on a different tone.  It’s become a warning bell especially when it comes to friendships.

Let me explain.  Years ago, I was friends with a very snarky woman.  She was great fun and I enjoyed her acidic wit and sharp mind.  We bonded over mystical subjects, good food and long talks about life.  I even helped her launch a business.

One day, I decided to do a reading on the relationship.  Oddly, the 8 of Cups came up.  Hmmm….was I going to walk away?  Or did that suggest the relationship would take on a more spiritual vibration?  (I envisioned us like wizened old monks traveling the world and seeking wisdom.)  I preferred the second option, so I put those cards away and continued on, business as usual.

And then she betrayed me.  I won’t go into the details but it was the most painful ending to a friendship I had ever experienced.  It took me months to “get over it”.  But eventually, I did.  I simply moved on.

Flash forward many years later.  I meet a new friend.  We hit it off immediately and quickly form a bond over food and other common interests.  I’m thrilled and full of anticipation.

I lay out the cards to see if there is a future. And that damn 8 of Cups shows up.  My heart sinks. Once again, I try to see a positive spin here.   But there is a 7 of Swords for good measure.  I shove the cards into a dark drawer and put on my happy face.

And then I learn a repeat lesson.  Not as brutal but still an element of betrayal. Although this time, I am not so shocked.  I even try to salvage things by explaining how I feel.  Except this person doesn’t listen and just gets uncomfortable with my emotional reaction.  So I walk away, brush my shoulders off and let it go.  It took no time this time to “get over it”.   I was forewarned by the 8 of Cups so I knew this could be a possible outcome.

Last year, I made another acquaintance.  I am a naturally friendly person but I am wary of this one.  Perhaps because I can smell the potential for bullshit this time.  Things quickly take a turn in a very odd and icky direction.

So I pull out the cards.  And guess who shows up?  Yup, the 8 of Cups.  I walk away, brush my shoulders off and don’t look back.  And although I am not happy with the situation, I know I am safe.  I heeded the warning even more carefully than ever.  I am bruised but not hurt.  This time, I move on immediately.

For me, the 8 of Cups has become sort of an alarm when it turns up in any sort of friendship query.  I no longer attempt to see a rosy picture.  I have learned that for me, it is a sign to run as far away as possible.  It says: get out while the getting is good.  Turn your back and never cross that path again. This person is not safe.

I find it intriguing when certain cards become personal “omens” or warnings.  Over the years, I have had other cards that have tried to serve as an alert.  Sometimes it is obvious like The Tower.  But other times not so much (3 of Wands reversed can indicate a need to put distance in a relationship).

Every card has the potential to serve as a sign for potential good or ill to come.  Whether or not you heed the “warning” is all up to you.

Blessings!

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

Have any cards become your personal “four alarm warning” cards?  I’d love to hear your stories in the comment section below:

If you read tarot long enough, one fine day you’ll deliver a reading that truly blows chunks.  In fact, you may be so off the mark that it will leave you filled with fear and insecurity about your reading abilities. You will know DOUBT intimately.

And while that scenario may sound horrendous, there will also come a day when you do a reading that is so perfectly, sublimely dead-on-accurate that you will almost scare yourself as your chest swells with pride.  And in some ways that may be worse than the former example.  Why?

Because you’ll start to BELIEVE YOUR OWN HYPE.

You’ll think you’ve got it down. You might become a cocksure tarot rock star, smirking at those “unspiritual” plebes who cannot “see the future” like you do cause you have a “gift”. Hell yeah! (If you get like this, you’ll soon experience the other side of the coin – failure. The universe never likes a smart ass.)

And eventually you’ll start to understand that these mindsets come from a very similar culprit: the EGO. The ego will fawn all over you when you are “right” and it will crush your spirt like a sledgehammer when you are “wrong”.

And this, my friend, will get in the way of your ability to read clearly.  When you approach tarot with attachment to being right or the fear of being wrong, you will muddy the works. And then you will  REALLY struggle to read.  Or worse yet, you’ll be haunted by the “bad” readings or gloating over the “good” ones and keeping yourself emotionally tied to every single reading.  Maddening.  And not a good place to be.

So what is the answer? DETACH. Tame that sucker. Shut it down. LET GO.

But how?

First of all, the more you practice tarot reading, the better.  Do it often enough and you’ll stop being enamored of your abilities and you’ll also be less devastated with your mistakes.  You’ll see that this is all part of the work.  Now, that doesn’t mean you get sloppy or careless – you still do the best damn reading you can but you no longer attach yourself to the outcome.  You LET GO.

You begin to allow the reading to be about YOUR CLIENT – not you or your abilities.

Meditation is another tool for coming to terms with your oh-so-fragile ego.  A daily practice allows you to find compassion for yourself. As you begin to make friends with the essence of you, the ego dissolves.  You find inner peace. And the more you meditate, the more insignificant things become.  You LET GO.

But if meditation isn’t doing it, try spending time with a child.  Kids are egoless.  They tell the truth without any fear and then quickly move on to other things.  They’re slick that way.

They don’t care how hard you work to hold up a carefully planned veneer to the world. They’ll rip it down and let everyone know what an ass you are in “real” life.  Your secrets are not safe with them.  You don’t get to have an ego with a kid around. They see you as YOU ARE.  And they’ll let you and the whole wide world know it. KIDS WILL MAKE YOU STARE YOUR OWN SHAKY EGO DEAD IN THE EYE AGAIN AND AGAIN.

But a child will also make you realize how wonderful and beautiful you are.  They SEE YOU but then they let it go and get back down to the business of being a kid.

Oh and if you are not kid-centric, get a cat.  I’m serious about that.  Here’s why: a cat won’t give a crap about “who” you are or how talented you think you are.  They are indifferent to all that nonsense.  (My cats treat me like a treat dispenser.)  They don’t care one iota about how sacred you think your tarot cards are.  In fact, most cats will be more than happy to flop right down on a tarot spread and pass the hell out.

And cats are the ultimate teachers of detachment.  If you really want to learn how to master your ego observe a cat as they chase a bug. They are completely focused and in the moment during the act. It’s full on, baby!  But after the job is done and the bug has been eaten, they SIMPLY WALK AWAY. They don’t obsess if they did it right.  They don’t get too bent out of shape if the bug got away.  They JUST MOVE ON.  (And maybe take a nap in some cases.)

So the next time you find yourself getting hung up on being the “God of Tarot” or the “Biggest Tarot Loser”, just chill.  Let it all go.  DETACH. Meditate. Take a nap. Just be.

“Ego has a voracious appetite, the more you feed it, the hungrier it gets.” ~ Nathaniel Bronner Jr.

Blessings!

Theresa

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2011

The image is my cat and tarot card destroyer, Monkey.  He is the true master of the “monkey mind”.  :)

How do you deal with ego issues as they arise in your tarot readings?  Share your thoughts in the comment section below:

This is a guest post by the winner of my Tarot Apprentice contest – Hilary Parry.  Enjoy!

It’s bad enough learning the “accepted” meanings of all 78 cards in a tarot deck. If you read with reversals, that’s 78 x 2! Add on your own interpretations if you’ve read long enough and have come to know that in your head, the Empress + [blank] = pregnancy (or whatever tarot formulas you personally have seen to be true). Tack on spreads and where each card lands positionally and you’ve got a whole lot for you and a client to talk about. But did you ever stop and think, “Which cards are NOT here?”

I know, tarot is complicated enough thinking about all the scenarios that can play out when the cards are on the table, so you might be wondering, “Why bother with discussing the cards that are not present during a reading?” Well, sometimes the absence of certain cards says more than what the cards actually dealt in a reading say.

A couple of scenarios to illustrate my point:

Someone comes to the table, asking about a potential love interest. It isn’t a yes/no question, but more of a how/when. The cards are laid out. But the solution isn’t so obvious, and there are no Major Arcana cards that arise in the reading. What do we look for? What do we note that is missing?

If it’s about love, and there are no Cups in the reading… well, there are a couple of things that could be interpreted from that, but not limited to just these interpretations (in general):

1. a frivolous crush that isn’t substantial enough to constitute a true emotional connection; the client’s romantic intentions might be best suited elsewhere or a focus inward is in order; or
2. the object of the client’s affections isn’t interested (again, keeping in mind this is a hypothetical)

Still talking about a potential love interest, what if there ARE Cups present, but no Pentacles (Coins)? This might indicate lots of emotion, but little stability, if any. There may be lots of love but perhaps not enough of the practical aspects that go into making a relationship work.

Moving on to another scenario. Someone has to pick between two jobs. In this case, you might choose to do two spreads, one for each of the potential jobs. In one spread, lots and lots of Coins. Of course, depending on the specific cards laid out, you might suggest the job that’s abundant in the money would be the “correct” choice. But what about job fulfillment? So you look to the other spread. Wands and Cups, but no Coins. Again, depending on the cards, you might conclude that this choice would be more fulfilling, but not likely to be as lucrative as the other choice.

These scenarios are a lot more black and white than normal readings go, I know. But as readers who spend a lot of time in the crossroads of other people’s lives serving them as a guide at the juncture of the roads, it helps to keep in mind that what isn’t present in a reading is often just as important as what is.

Contact Hilary Parry for a tarot reading:
Email: tarrytowntarot@gmail.com
Blog: tarotspell.blogspot.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/tarotbyhilary
Twitter: http://twitter.com/hsparry

PS I’d love to hear your thoughts on “missing cards”.  Post your insights in the comment section below!

image courtesy of  Sam Javanrouh (http://www.flickr.com/photos/wvs/2493556367/)

This is a guest post by one of my awesome Tarot Apprentice contestants, Iseke.  I’ll be featuring some more guest posts by these talented young tarot readers in the near future.  Be sure to watch for them!

Divination tools are languages we use to communicate with our sub or higher consciousness. In this way, we can use any divination tool to string together letters, words, and sentences into full ideas. A certain pattern of coffee grounds means one thing. A certain direction of movement from a pendulum means another thing. Whatever system of divination one uses (and really, you can use ANYTHING for this purpose) becomes a language.

Tarot, with its complex levels of historical and cultural meaning, art, symbolism, and connection to other esoteric systems, creates a very deep language with a lot of study put behind it. That means that when choosing Tarot as your language of communication, you have a whole lot of depth to explore your circumstances. Tarot is great for really looking at the subtlety of an issue, as anyone who has had a reading or done one can attest to!

A lot of people may assume that Tarot cards (or any other divination tool) have a magical property of their own. Really, they have no more magical properties then a pen or a paintbrush do! They possess only the magic you put into them. Just like how you won’t get a novel out of an alphabet itself, you won’t get magic without a practitioner. A Tarot deck sits in potential, waiting for you to come along and make something of it. What you make out of it is entirely up to you, because while there is a well established system for reading the cards in place, they are YOUR tool of communication when you read!

So what does that mean? It means that when you sit down with a deck of cards, you have a rich grammar and vocabulary present for you to work with. This is commonly referred to as the “Little White Book” definitions but it goes far beyond that, because it draws on a pool of everyone’s practice and experience. Like spoken languages, divination languages grow and evolve over time. However, as you work with the cards (or the tool of your choice) you will find that the cards take on special meanings for you, and this is when you can see for yourself that it is truly a language of your own!

For instance, in my own practice, I’d notice a card keep turning up in certain contexts. It wasn’t in the standard context you’d expect to find, but it connected with me and my experiences and so I began to notice when that card would come up in that context. That was when I began to see the Tarot operating less in the “refer to the LWB” fashion that overwhelms us all at the beginning and more like my own personal system.

The most important thing about understanding the Tarot as a language is that it frees up flexibility in the way we understand the Tarot itself, as well as how we use it. Those of us who read Tarot cards all know what one means when they mention the six of cups, because we all share the umbrella language developed by centuries of cultural thought, study, and practice. But, like a dialect, we all have our own flavor of the meanings. Allowing this and encouraging it will help those who are beginning their Tarot journey from feeling completely swamped staring at a book of meanings they feel they need to memorize! Instead, it’s all there as a support network so that the reader can develop the most intuitive way for them to reach their sub or higher consciousness during readings.

So if a client who knows a thing or two about the meaning of the cards sits down for a reading, and a while into it disputes that your interpretation, you can explain to them why this may be: in your practice and development you have come to learn what the cards mean personally to you. So long as you are consistent throughout the reading! Also, if you are teaching someone the Tarot, you can encourage them into further developing their intuitive interpretations by reminding them that ultimately, the goal is the conversation between the reader and their higher selves (or the reader, the client, and their collective higher selves). Tarot is what makes that conversation tangible!

~ Iseke

You can learn more about Iseke through her website: http://www.aelestrid.net/

What do you think tarot is?  Post your thoughts in the comment section below:

Did you ever see that episode of the Simpsons where Marge decides to become a real estate agent?  Her career gets off to a rocky start when her honesty prevents her from selling a house.  Back at the office, schmucky lawyer-turned-realtor Lionel Hutz berates Marge for being truthful and enlightens her on how to sell by bending the facts.  “There’s the truth….” (he says in a dark tone with a scowl on his face as he shakes his head from side to side) “and the truth!” (said with a wide eyed disingenuous smile and a vigorous nod of the head).

I started thinking about that episode after recently reading a thought provoking post by Bonnie Cehovet called “Tell It Like It Is” where she discusses how a bluntly honest tarot reading could be harmful to a client.  Bonnie made some excellent points but this article raised a few questions for me.  Could a frank reading ever be effective and helpful?  Does a gentle approach serve every client and every situation?

How you deliver the information is important and a tarot reader must always be conscious of the client’s highest good.  I’ve been doing tarot for a long time now and one thing I have discovered is this: a one size fits all delivery does not work.  Each client is unique and each person needs a reading that speaks to them in a language that they understand.

As a parent, I’ve also learned some important lessons on giving advice and support.  My children are opposites in temperament.  My daughter is a sensitive but hard headed girl – with her, I had to be delicate yet know when to draw a line.  My son on the other hand is a practical but spacey lad – humor worked well with him but I also had to make sure he was really listening to me.  They’ve also been in situations where I’ve had to be alternately hands off, in your face, hyper sensitive, brutally honest or simply present.

The difference between raising a child and serving a client is this: I get to see the results  of my advice close up with my children, which allows me to see how effective I am.  In the case of a client, once they walk out that door, I have no idea of how the reading served them until I see them again, which could be years or in some cases, never.

A skilled reader needs to bring their intuition to the table before the client even sits down for the reading.  They must assess their frame of mind and particular needs. This requires awareness and sensitivity towards the client’s disposition.  For example, if someone seems really upset or mentally fragile, it may be time to go easy.  However, if they are in a dangerous or illegal situation, this may require a more candid approach.  Advice should be delivered in a way that is clear, helpful and empowering to the client.

And that advice must be adjusted for each person and each situation.  Not everyone will appreciate the balls out truth – and not every person will want a sugar coated version.  Some people may perceive a “tell it like it is” approach to be harsh.  Others may feel a gentle reader may not be being 100% honest with them.  It is up to us as tarot readers to bring awareness for the client’s needs and personality to the reading and not get hung up on which way is the “right” way to do a reading.

“Whenever you have truth it must be given with love, or the message and the messenger will be rejected.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Blessings!

Theresa

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2011

How do you like your reading delivered? Do you prefer blunt and to the point or sweet and gentle?  Leave your thoughts in the comment section below:

Ever get a tarot reading and feel the reader was dead on accurate?  Or how about this scenario – you get a reading and nothing makes sense at all.  Yet other people you know raved about this person.  Did the reader suck or were you impossible to read?

Here’s the honest truth: not every reader is right for every person.  As a professional tarot reader, it’s very humbling to admit that you cannot read for everyone.  But it’s a fact that some people’s vibes just don’t mesh.  For example, I do not like to read for super negative thinkers.  If someone is overly cynical, they won’t like my practical, no-nonsense style because it does not conform to their world view.  Therefore, it is best for them to find someone who may be more sympathetic to their way of thinking.

Any time you seek out a tarot reading, there is always the risk that the reading won’t be meaningful for you.  However, there are a few measures you can take as a client to insure that you get the right person for the job.

1. Get a referral.  Word of mouth is often the best way to get insights on how the reader works.  If a loved one had a comfortable and positive experience with the reader, you may as well.
2. Get clear on what “type” of reader you wish to see.  For example, some tarot readers (myself included) are intuitive while others may work with a system or perhaps be more esoteric.  You’ll be very disappointed if the type of reading you want is not what you are getting no matter how talented the reader is.
3. Ask questions.  Most readers are more than happy to answer any questions you may have. Don’t be afraid to ask about how they read, what questions they will or won’t answer as well as anything that may be of concern to you.  This will help you to get a feel as to whether or not you will be compatible.
4. Research. If the reader has a website, check it out.  Does the website look professional? Can you get an idea of the person behind the site?  Do they provide testimonials?  Most will provide a FAQ section which may give you a clear picture about how they operate as well as their personality.  If they have a blog, see if you enjoy their writing.  If they are on social media, this is a superb way to view how they interact with other people – not just clients but others in their industry.  Do as much research as you can to make sure they are someone you’d like to do business with.
5. Trust your instincts.  If they don’t feel right for you, then take a pass.  Keep looking until you find the perfect person for you.
6. Keep an open mind.  You may be surprised to know that there are many talented readers who may be under the radar or overlooked.  For example, don’t be put off by their age or background.  Some of the best readings I have ever had have been from people who were young or not even in the industry.

Remember, that any time you are using any service it is always important to be a good consumer.  Know what you want, ask questions, shop around, take your time and get informed.  With this strategy you are more likely to have a tarot experience that is insightful, helpful and enjoyable.

Blessings!

Theresa

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

I’d love to hear your insights on what kind of reader you like to work with, how you found your tarot reader or if you are a reader, any thoughts on this post in the comment section below.

image courtesy of taoxproductions

I knew what I wanted going in.  I had a goal in mind and I was clear on what I wanted to see.  As I feverishly shuffled the cards, I felt a nervous anticipation brewing deep in my gut.  Would I “get my way”?  As I hurriedly laid out the cards, I saw a yes in the spread.  My heart leapt and I felt confident that things would work out to my advantage.  But months later, that yes never materialized.  What went wrong?

One of the hardest lessons to learn as a tarot reader is how to approach a reading without attachment to the outcome.  When we lay out the cards and our mind is all wrapped up in what we wish to see, we will find a way to “see” that desired outcome no matter which cards turn up.  For example, if you are an optimist, you’ll find a way to spin that 10 of Swords to tell you exactly what you want to hear.  On the other side of the coin, a pessimist will find a way to interpret the Sun as doomsday.

The best mindset for an accurate reading is a neutral one.  Here’s my advice on how to cultivate a more impartial attitude.

1. Do not do a reading when you are too emotionally invested in the outcome.  Leave it alone. Stew on it a bit. Breathe. Come back to the question when you are feeling more centered.
2. Meditate before you approach a reading.  This will allow you to come at it with a clearer mind. I am always able to get a better read when I meditate.
3. Stop caring.  In other words, do the reading as if you don’t care one way or another about what happens.  Visualize as if you are doing the reading for some complete stranger that you have no emotional link with whatsoever.
4. Lay out the cards and rather than interpret right then and there, write the cards down in your tarot journal.  Leave it alone for a day or two.  Go back and look at the spread and then try to interpret what you see.
5. If you cannot separate your emotions from the outcome, get someone else to read your cards.  Don’t do it yourself.  I had a situation a few years back where I could not get a read at all – I contacted another tarot professional who gave me an extremely accurate reading.  She didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear but she was dead on.

Similar rules apply when you are doing a reading for someone else.  In my own tarot practice, I meditate daily so that my mind is clear and present for whatever information arises during the reading. I also set strong boundaries with my clients so that I am never fearful about telling them exactly what I see – which many times, is not what they want.

Reading for family and friends can be tricky if you are worried about upsetting them.  I tend to avoid reading for loved ones unless I am sure that I can be completely unattached to the question being asked. On the same token, I also make sure that they are coming to the reading with the desire for truth only, not an agenda of being placated.

You cannot guarantee that you or your clients will ever be able to completely sever your emotional ties to the outcome but any effort to simply see what comes up rather than what you want to appear will lead towards a more authentic answer.

“The awakened sages call a person wise when all his undertakings are free from anxiety about results.” ~ Krishna

Blessings!

Theresa

How do you keep practice non-attachment in your tarot readings?  Are you able to do your own readings without your hopes and fears interfering?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below:

special thanks to taoxproductions for the image