It is widely accepted that hearing is the last thing to go before a person dies.  In my family, it is also widely accepted that I am a bit bossy.  When my father was on his deathbed and it appeared as if he may linger a few more days, I turned to him and brusquely said “Dad, I’m leaving in a few minutes.  It’s time to get this show on the road.  You need to get to the other side – NOW.”  A few minutes later, with a smile on his face, dad took his last breath.

My sister in law looked at me with widened eyes and remarked “Wow…..well, he always did listen to you.”  We still talk about how strange that scenario was.  Was he waiting for me to tell him what to do?  Did he really hear me?  And how is it that a man who, when alive, was so deaf that I had to scream at him could actually hear that command?

Hearing impairment was not only my dad’s issue but one I struggled with as well.  As a child, I suffered with breathing issues and chronic ear infections.  I even needed to get my tonsils removed twice.  Yes, you read that right.  Twice.  They grew back.  (It’s a rare condition but it happens.)  I had tubes in my ears and needed continuous hearing tests throughout my childhood.  I hated that little “ringing” machine the audiologist used.  And I felt embarrassed that I always had to sit in the front of the classroom.  (Sitting up there is never considered “cool”.)

But an odd  and beautiful thing came out of my disability.  I learned to really listen to people. In fact, I have to pay careful attention to someone when they are speaking to me.  I watch a person’s mouth to make sure I completely understand what they are saying.   I am observant to inflection and tone as sometimes people don’t say what they really mean.

Many people who come into my office tell me that they like visiting with me because no one else listens to them.  And that is why they seek out the services of a tarot reader like myself.  It’s because I lend an ear and give them room to speak.  I actually take the time to “hear” what they are really saying and let them know that their words are important.

I do this without judgement or planning the next thing I am going to say.  When they are in my presence, I am simply here, holding a sacred space for them.  For those who are starving to be heard, this is priceless.

Now imagine how your relationships would transform if you took the time to really listen.   How do you think your loved ones would feel if you made space for them to talk openly and honestly with you? Or will you wait until you are on your deathbed to finally hear their words?  Let’s not put off what we can do today.  Be truly present.  Listen.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” ~ Epictetus

Blessings!

Theresa

http://www.thetarotlady.com

http://www.tarotmentor.com

thanks to taoxproductions for the image

The man sat across from me, arms folded, shaking his head.  “I don’t see how that can happen” he said adamantly when the cards indicated a new love possibility and a new job or promotion.  “Those cards are telling me that these new things are coming and I can’t imagine it.  I have never had a relationship and my job is stagnant.”  The frown on his face indicated that he was not going to hear one thing that the cards had to say unless it corroborated his own negative mindset.

I shrugged and told him to give it time.  A year later, he came back with his dark cloud in tow.  “Those cards were dead wrong – nothing happened for me!”  His voice was smug but his face held a scowl.  It was obvious that he was mad that the cards failed him – but he also seemed to feel vindicated that he had been “right”.

Then the conversation took an interesting turn.  The man began to tell me how he did indeed meet someone, but “butchered it due to his own hang ups”.  He further elaborated that he applied for a job but didn’t get it and stopped looking for other options.  In other words, the opportunity for love and perhaps new work was there – but he sabotaged it, therefore creating his own negative self fulfilling prophecy.

So were the cards wrong?  In my experience, the cards always tell the truth.  It’s not a perfect science and a reader can sometimes misinterpret them but there are some circumstances where a client – especially a “Debbie Downer” type – can find a way to undermine a potentially positive outcome.

A tarot reading can point out opportunities in your life.  Sometimes the cards can be negative but a good tarot reader can help you find strategies that you can use to align with a more positive outcome. This can give your life direction and help you to make more conscious choices.  However, if you have a pessimistic attitude and are unwilling to look at options or take personal responsibility for your situation, you may very well muck it up. Then, more often than not, the next step is to blame the cards -or the reader – for your “bad luck”.  A tarot reading can only do so much – if you choose a negative world view, you will be perfectly good at creating your own misfortune no matter how “good” your cards are.

If you choose to get a tarot reading, make sure your own negativity doesn’t bleed into the reading. Go in with a neutral and open mind, no matter what your current circumstances.  If something less than positive shows up in the cards, ask your reader how you can work with the situation to turn it around.  Tarot cards can predict and point the way – BUT it is up to you to do something constructive with the information given.

Fear and negativity can be powerful and magnetic forces.  Don’t let them pull you into an endless downward spiral.  Don’t shoot yourself in the foot.

“Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” ~ Ice Cube

Blessings!

Theresa

special thanks to taoxproductions for finding the image and help with editing!

Do you sabotage your own success?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below:

Most people call a tarot reader to get a glimpse of the future.  Yet the husky voiced woman on the other end of the line insisted that she wanted me to “tell her details about her past”.  Puzzled by this odd request, I asked her why she would want such a thing. It didn’t make sense to me. She then said that she wanted me to do this so I could “prove” my abilities to her.  Sigh.  I informed her that I am running a business and am not a trained poodle who does parlor tricks on command.  I don’t roll like that.  And in truth, her attitude did not create an ideal atmosphere for a tarot reading as it brought out a defensive mindset for me.  Once my brain is in that mode, I have zero interest in connecting with the client.

In order to foster the best tarot reading, both client and reader must have an open mind seeking answers.  The reading will be obscured or complicated when one or the other approaches the reading with a hidden agenda.

For example, a tarot reader must be aware of their own prejudices, which can color a reading and create a situation where the reader “projects” their own fears or experience onto the client’s situation.  Years ago, I met a reader who was very bitter about her love life.  She gave me a reading that reflected this mindset and insisted that I had troubles in my relationship due to my husband’s dishonesty.  (For the record, I live with a goody goody Dudley Do-Right who could not lie if he wanted to and we have a blissful 20 year union with no issues to speak of.)  It was obvious to me that she was projecting her own life issues into my reading.  If I were vulnerable, imagine the damage that this reading could have done.

On the other side of the coin, when a client wants to “test” the reader (like the caller I described above) this skeptical attitude makes their question bifurcated and dishonest and puts the tarot reader in a hostile environment.  The reading is no longer a request to the universe – it’s an aggressive push toward a preconceived notion that a tarot reader is crooked. This makes the experience a onerous chore. Pulling teeth to get answers from a closed off aggressive mindset is neither pleasant nor productive.

Both client and reader need to be open to receive questions and answers.  A reading must be approached with honesty. Neither party should engage in a reading with agendas or preconceived notions.  If both the reader and the client approach a reading with an open mind and a sincere question for the universe, then whatever answer comes is more likely to be useful and whatever it is, that’s the job for the client to interpret how it applies to their own life.

Blessings!

Theresa

How do you deal with clients that come with an attitude?  Has there ever been a time where your own attitudes got in the way of you being able to do a reading?  I’d love to hear your experiences!  Post ‘em in the comment section below!

image courtesy of taoxproductions

During my typical day as a tarot reader, I get a wide variety of questions tossed at me by my clients.  It runs the gamut from typical romantic issues to more complex situations such as connecting with a departed loved one.  I never know what to expect and have always allowed my clients to feel as if they can bring any question to the table.

In some cases a client may ask something that pushes outside my comfort zone. This is not odd as you think as most tarot readers have guidelines about what is an acceptable question to ask and boundaries vary greatly from reader to reader. (For example, some tarot readers do not answer any questions about health while others have no issue with this.)  Each reader finds their own “code of ethics” that suits their needs and the needs of their clients.

I often find myself contemplating about what makes a question “acceptable” or “unethical”.  Are there some questions a reader should refuse to answer?  And if you are not comfortable with a question, is there a way to still help the client find direction? Can we safely have a universal “code of ethics” or should that be left up to the reader?

1. Most tarot readers are NOT lawyers, doctors, stock brokers or licensed therapists.  We should never take the place of these professionals. That being said, we can answer general questions about these fields but it is still in the best interests of the reader and the client to refer them to a professional.  Doing otherwise puts the reader and the client in a possibly risky and legally compromising position.  I am careful about how I answer these types of questions and I always keep a list of professionals for referrals. An example: rather than give legal advice, I might look and see if the outcome of a case is favorable to a client.  That is still helpful for them but I am not assuming the role of a lawyer.
2. Some tarot readers will not answer a question about a third party as they see this as “spying”.  I feel differently about this as giving a client insight into another person may pave the way for communication, compassion and understanding.  I encourage follow up questions such as “how can I help” which can empower the client to make better decisions regarding their relationships.  If you are not comfortable answering questions about others, let the client know and see if you can rephrase the question in a manner that still gives the client helpful information.
3. Criminal activity is a dicey topic and giving advice here could put you in hot water should you be called to testify against a client.  In some situations, you might even be seen as party to a crime (ex: giving information on “how” to get away with an offense).    Yes, do not be surprised – criminals DO come to tarot readers seeking advice!  Typical questions may include  “am I being watched” and “who can I trust”.  But some may ask heavier questions and you may find yourself nervously turning over those cards, wondering if you are putting someone’s life at risk. This is where I have learned to draw the line.  In my opinion, if a person is seeking my services only to become a better criminal rather than a better person, then I need to disconnect.
4. If you are uncomfortable with any question, it is best to be honest with your client.  See if you can rephrase questions in a way that still helps them get information while maintaining your boundaries.  And do not ever shame your client by saying something such as “that is against my code of ethics”. This makes the client feel judged for wanting the information they feel they need.
5. A universal code of ethics may be difficult to apply simply because each reader is different and each client is unique. Some tarot organizations have a set of standards that their members agree to abide by.  This is not a bad idea but you may want to  contemplate if these guidelines work for you as a reader and ask if there is room for flexibility.  Do not agree to anyone else’s rules of conduct unless you are absolutely sure that you can stick with it.

Ultimately, this is all a matter of personal preference.  For myself, respect and compassion for my clients is always my number one priority.  I try to serve their needs in any way that I can as I know that sometimes this is the last place they turn to when they  need insight into their problems.  It is not my job to judge what they ask but to find a way to answer their questions with dignity and compassion.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on using the tarot to answer questions.  What do you feel is the best way to handle questionable questions?  Is there a way that you think clients should ask questions?

Blessings!

Theresa

image by Taoxproductions

Although I consider myself first and foremost a tarot reader, I am also a professional and I tend to be very business like in my dealings.  Most people who have worked with me know that I run my ship tightly – not only do I have regular hours like any job but my days can consist of all manner of tedious tasks from bookkeeping to returning calls and emails.  (It’s not all glamorous tarot work that I do here in my hub!)

As a business professional, I have to be realistic that not every person that calls or walks in the door is meant to be a lifetime client.  As I wrote in my previous post, some people may never come back for whatever reason.  But there are also times when I have had to show someone the door.  As much as I hate doing this (believe it or not, my bark is worse than my bite!), it is often not only beneficial for me but sometimes in the best interest of the client.

When is it right to “fire” a client?

Any tarot reader will have their own reasons why. For me, it all comes down to two things – respect and compatibility.  Here are some of the reasons I have needed to cut a client off:

1.  No shows. This is my number one pet peeve.  A client who doesn’t even have the courtesy to give me a simple phone call to cancel never gets another chance.  There are some who think I am sitting here with nothing else to do.  Believe me, I can either fill that spot if you didn’t show – or there are many other projects I can busy myself with (like writing this blog!).  To me, this is the rudest gesture as I make this time available and find it incredibly disrespectful.

2.  Dickering over prices. I hate haggling.  I don’t even do it when I travel.  I know in some cultures, this is a common thing, but for me, it feels uncomfortable.  If you can’t afford me, then don’t come.  Simple as that.  A woman who had booked a few parties with me in the past tried to tell me that “no one will pay that” when my prices changed – and then she tried to negotiate a price break.  I refused to do business with her ever again.  If you provide a service, you should be paid well for your time.  I learned this from my son’s drum instructor.  Years ago, he had also changed policies and this required a steep price hike. When I  visibly gulped, he said to me: “The lessons are free.  It is my time you are paying for and I value my time very much.”  I used that as a business mantra ever since.

3.  Using the tarot reading in an unethical way. I am not a moralist but I do not want my readings used in any way but for someone’s higher good.  Once they leave the office, I have no control over what a client may do with the information I provide.  On rare occasion, I do hear through the grapevine that someone may have twisted my words to suit a purpose.  For example, a married man got a reading from me and wanted to know if he could “have an affair”.  The reading said he “could” if he was so inclined.  So what does he do?  Proceeds a few weeks later to hit on a woman and tell her that  “Theresa the tarot reader said I should have an affair so I’m looking for a woman”.  Unfortunately for him, she was a friend of mine and reported back to me.  Banned for life.

4.  Personality conflicts.  Sometimes for no fault of the client or mine, our personalities don’t mesh.  If I am uncomfortable with a person’s vibe, I won’t read for them.  The reading won’t work well if I am tense.  This is never easy but I must face the facts that I cannot possibly read for every person.  For example, aggressive or super neurotic types don’t wash for me (I also don’t read well for “Debbie Downers”).  I will generally refer them to a more suitable tarot reader.  In my opinion,  is better to bring them to a person who will be more sympathetic to their energy rather than struggle through the reading myself.

5.  They are beyond your ability to help. This is a case where someone may need more help that you can give them – for example someone who needs psychiatric care.  I used to see a woman who was in an abusive relationship.  She would only come to me when they broke up – and her questions revolved around whether or not her abuser would come back to her.  (He always did, unfortunately.) She never wanted to get any help to change her situation – she was only concerned about preserving this sick dynamic at all costs.  No amount of tarot readings were going to break the cycle she had created for herself. This was too hard for me to deal with and beyond my ability to reach into her and crack open this vicious cycle she was actively pursuing.  This is a sign that someone needs professional  help.  I gave her the number of a good therapist and refused to see her again.  (All readers should not provide legal, medical or psychiatric services – have a list of appropriate resources handy for referrals if you encounter someone who needs to seek professional help.)

Ultimately, it all comes down to healthy boundaries and mutual respect.  While this is an intuitive and often times emotionally charged business, it IS still a business.  If you are working as a tarot reader, it is up to you to decide who you can serve and how best you can serve them with policies that create appropriate boundaries and a fair and clear presentation that allows clients to know what they can expect.

Blessings!
Theresa
www.thetarotlady.com

©The Tarot Lady | Theresa Reed

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