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Questionable Questions

Friday, July 23rd, 2010

During my typical day as a tarot reader, I get a wide variety of questions tossed at me by my clients. It runs the gamut from typical romantic issues to more complex situations such as connecting with a departed loved one. I never know what to expect and have always allowed my clients to feel as if they can bring any question to the table.

In some cases a client may ask something that pushes outside my comfort zone. This is not odd as you think as most tarot readers have guidelines about what is an acceptable question to ask and boundaries vary greatly from reader to reader. (For example, some tarot readers do not answer any questions about health while others have no issue with this.) Each reader finds their own “code of ethics” that suits their needs and the needs of their clients.

I often find myself contemplating about what makes a question “acceptable” or “unethical”. Are there some questions a reader should refuse to answer? And if you are not comfortable with a question, is there a way to still help the client find direction? Can we safely have a universal “code of ethics” or should that be left up to the reader?

Most tarot readers are NOT lawyers, doctors, stock brokers or licensed therapists. We should never take the place of these professionals. That being said, we can answer general questions about these fields but it is still in the best interests of the reader and the client to refer them to a professional. Doing otherwise puts the reader and the client in a possibly risky and legally compromising position. I am careful about how I answer these types of questions and I always keep a list of professionals for referrals. An example: rather than give legal advice, I might look and see if the outcome of a case is favorable to a client. That is still helpful for them but I am not assuming the role of a lawyer.
Some tarot readers will not answer a question about a third party as they see this as “spying”. I feel differently about this as giving a client insight into another person may pave the way for communication, compassion and understanding. I encourage follow up questions such as “how can I help” which can empower the client to make better decisions regarding their relationships. If you are not comfortable answering questions about others, let the client know and see if you can rephrase the question in a manner that still gives the client helpful information.
Criminal activity is a dicey topic and giving advice here could put you in hot water should you be called to testify against a client. In some situations, you might even be seen as party to a crime (ex: giving information on “how” to get away with an offense). Yes, do not be surprised – criminals DO come to tarot readers seeking advice! Typical questions may include “am I being watched” and “who can I trust”. But some may ask heavier questions and you may find yourself nervously turning over those cards, wondering if you are putting someone’s life at risk. This is where I have learned to draw the line. In my opinion, if a person is seeking my services only to become a better criminal rather than a better person, then I need to disconnect.
If you are uncomfortable with any question, it is best to be honest with your client. See if you can rephrase questions in a way that still helps them get information while maintaining your boundaries. And do not ever shame your client by saying something such as “that is against my code of ethics”. This makes the client feel judged for wanting the information they feel they need.
A universal code of ethics may be difficult to apply simply because each reader is different and each client is unique. Some tarot organizations have a set of standards that their members agree to abide by. This is not a bad idea but you may want to contemplate if these guidelines work for you as a reader and ask if there is room for flexibility. Do not agree to anyone else’s rules of conduct unless you are absolutely sure that you can stick with it.

Ultimately, this is all a matter of personal preference. For myself, respect and compassion for my clients is always my number one priority. I try to serve their needs in any way that I can as I know that sometimes this is the last place they turn to when they need insight into their problems. It is not my job to judge what they ask but to find a way to answer their questions with dignity and compassion.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on using the tarot to answer questions. What do you feel is the best way to handle questionable questions? Is there a way that you think clients should ask questions?

Blessings!

Theresa

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Tags: clients, tarot business, tarot reading
Posted in clients, reading tarot, tarot, tarot business, tarot readers, tarot reading | 8 Comments »

You Don’t Own Me – Part 2: When To Let Go Of A Client

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Although I consider myself first and foremost a tarot reader, I am also a professional and I tend to be very business like in my dealings. Most people who have worked with me know that I run my ship tightly – not only do I have regular hours like any job but my days can consist of all manner of tedious tasks from bookkeeping to returning calls and emails. (It’s not all glamorous tarot work that I do here in my hub!)

As a business professional, I have to be realistic that not every person that calls or walks in the door is meant to be a lifetime client. As I wrote in my previous post, some people may never come back for whatever reason. But there are also times when I have had to show someone the door. As much as I hate doing this (believe it or not, my bark is worse than my bite!), it is often not only beneficial for me but sometimes in the best interest of the client.

When is it right to “fire” a client?

Any tarot reader will have their own reasons why. For me, it all comes down to two things – respect and compatibility. Here are some of the reasons I have needed to cut a client off:

1. No shows. This is my number one pet peeve. A client who doesn’t even have the courtesy to give me a simple phone call to cancel never gets another chance. There are some who think I am sitting here with nothing else to do. Believe me, I can either fill that spot if you didn’t show – or there are many other projects I can busy myself with (like writing this blog!). To me, this is the rudest gesture as I make this time available and find it incredibly disrespectful.

2. Dickering over prices. I hate haggling. I don’t even do it when I travel. I know in some cultures, this is a common thing, but for me, it feels uncomfortable. If you can’t afford me, then don’t come. Simple as that. A woman who had booked a few parties with me in the past tried to tell me that “no one will pay that” when my prices changed – and then she tried to negotiate a price break. I refused to do business with her ever again. If you provide a service, you should be paid well for your time. I learned this from my son’s drum instructor. Years ago, he had also changed policies and this required a steep price hike. When I visibly gulped, he said to me: “The lessons are free. It is my time you are paying for and I value my time very much.” I used that as a business mantra ever since.

3. Using the tarot reading in an unethical way. I am not a moralist but I do not want my readings used in any way but for someone’s higher good. Once they leave the office, I have no control over what a client may do with the information I provide. On rare occasion, I do hear through the grapevine that someone may have twisted my words to suit a purpose. For example, a married man got a reading from me and wanted to know if he could “have an affair”. The reading said he “could” if he was so inclined. So what does he do? Proceeds a few weeks later to hit on a woman and tell her that “Theresa the tarot reader said I should have an affair so I’m looking for a woman”. Unfortunately for him, she was a friend of mine and reported back to me. Banned for life.

4. Personality conflicts. Sometimes for no fault of the client or mine, our personalities don’t mesh. If I am uncomfortable with a person’s vibe, I won’t read for them. The reading won’t work well if I am tense. This is never easy but I must face the facts that I cannot possibly read for every person. For example, aggressive or super neurotic types don’t wash for me (I also don’t read well for “Debbie Downers”). I will generally refer them to a more suitable tarot reader. In my opinion, is better to bring them to a person who will be more sympathetic to their energy rather than struggle through the reading myself.

5. They are beyond your ability to help. This is a case where someone may need more help that you can give them – for example someone who needs psychiatric care. I used to see a woman who was in an abusive relationship. She would only come to me when they broke up – and her questions revolved around whether or not her abuser would come back to her. (He always did, unfortunately.) She never wanted to get any help to change her situation – she was only concerned about preserving this sick dynamic at all costs. No amount of tarot readings were going to break the cycle she had created for herself. This was too hard for me to deal with and beyond my ability to reach into her and crack open this vicious cycle she was actively pursuing. This is a sign that someone needs professional help. I gave her the number of a good therapist and refused to see her again. (All readers should not provide legal, medical or psychiatric services – have a list of appropriate resources handy for referrals if you encounter someone who needs to seek professional help.)

Ultimately, it all comes down to healthy boundaries and mutual respect. While this is an intuitive and often times emotionally charged business, it IS still a business. If you are working as a tarot reader, it is up to you to decide who you can serve and how best you can serve them with policies that create appropriate boundaries and a fair and clear presentation that allows clients to know what they can expect.

Blessings!
Theresa
www.thetarotlady.com

©The Tarot Lady | Theresa Reed

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Posted in clients, tarot, tarot business, tarot readings | 8 Comments »

You Don’t Own Me – When Clients Leave

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

A few weeks ago, I had a client call me in a panic. “I cheated on you” she breathlessly proclaimed as she launched into a tale of woe about an experience with another tarot reader. Cheating on me? That dramatic statement made me laugh but it got me wondering. Why do clients go to other readers, especially if they claim to like your services? Why do some leave, never to be heard of again? And more importantly, what are my own feelings regarding “loyalty”?

A client may decide that they want to visit another reader for some of the following reasons:

1. They want a second opinion. Perhaps they are a Nervous Nelly type that needs a lot of confirmation. Or maybe they don’t feel your read is accurate for them and may want to see if someone else says something more to their liking. There are even a few that will go from reader to reader to reader – until they get the answer they want. (This is rather obsessive in my opinion.)

2. They may want to try something different. I am mainly a tarot reader. If someone is looking for deep chart analysis, past life regressions, mediums, dream interpretations or palmistry, they may be better off seeking the services of a specialist. I am not all things to all people (I’d like to be, but am wise enough to know my own limits!).

3. They can’t wait. Oftentimes, my schedule is jam packed. This can leave a client in a bad position if they need a reading pronto. So, they may look around to find someone who is more available. Also, a client who lives at a distance may want to meet with someone in their area. If I could astral travel, I would – but that ain’t happening.

Why would a client leave permanently?

1. Budget woes. Whenever I raise my rates (which is rare), there is always a little fallout. People sometimes can’t afford it – or feel angered that I am not at the prices I was at 20 years ago. I had one lady yell at me and hang up the phone when I told her my new rates. She never called again (although if she did, I would have fired her in a heartbeat!).

2. Personality clashes. I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going type. But on occasion, a person may walk in the door and feel that I am not in sync with them. And vice versa. Pushy and aggressive types don’t seem to stick around me very much (this makes me quite happy). Super negative types also tend to slink away if I don’t reinforce their crummy world view. On a few rare occasions, a client has suddenly become super religious and decided I was “evil”. That pretty much nipped any relationship we had in the bud.

3. You offended them. This can happen quite innocently. The reading starts off fine but all of a sudden, you drop an F bomb or say something that makes the client squirm. Remember the androgynous SNL character, Pat? Well, I had one sit in front of me when I was reading at an occult shop years ago. For some puzzling reason that I still cannot fathom, I opened my mouth and these words tumbled out before I could catch myself “What are you?”. She was a she – and she had a great sense of humor about it but was obviously deeply hurt by my remark. I recovered and did a decent reading but she never came to see me again. I would run into her in the shop, we’d nod but pretty much avoid each other. Politics and religious talk can also alienate clients – so you may need to keep some of your beliefs to yourself.

4. Your reading sucked. You may think you are a tarot superstar but sooner or later, you’ll run into that one person you couldn’t read. And yup, to them, your reading was “way off” or “crappy”. This is a huge blow to the ego but it happens to all of us. You can’t read for everyone. There are lots of reasons why this could happen – an off day, a lack of vibe between you, they may be closed minded, etc. And some people will think you stink even if you are accurate because they simply don’t want to believe. Get over it.

How to handle it?

The first thing to learn: don’t take anything personally. This requires a lot of inner work and a good dose of humility. And I don’t mean false humility: the “it’s not me, only spirit doing the readings through me” statements that are so frequently tossed about. I mean REAL soul searching humility that requires you to take responsibility for your readings. Realize your own limitations as a reader and be realistic about your client’s needs. Know that you will at times offend, disappoint, piss off and even do a poor job. This comes with ANY profession. Let go, brush yourself off, laugh and move on.

Secondly, practice the law of non-grasping. This simply means that you must acknowledge that your clients have free will and don’t owe you anything. Respect them as independent, intelligent human beings who will always know what is in their OWN best interest. If they are not happy with your services, recommend them to someone that may be a better fit. This is not only good for them but for YOU.

I’ve been grateful over the years for the many clients that continue to use my services. Some have been with me since my humble beginnings almost 20 years ago. I am always thankful for their support. A few have even become dear friends. But I am equally appreciative for the ones who have taught me lessons and made me learn the art of non-attachment. I go with the flow and could not have learned to do this without them.

Blessings!
Theresa
www.thetarotlady.com

Watch for “You Don’t Own Me Part Two – When To Fire A Client” soon!

©The Tarot Lady | Theresa Reed

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Posted in clients, tarot, tarot readers, tarot readings | 9 Comments »

Public Events – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

You’ve seen them before. Maybe you’ve even worked at one of them. Psychic fairs, spirit fairs, renaissance fairs….they come with all different names. Are they worth participating in?

I retired from public appearances many years ago. I have read tarot in occult shops, small fairs, bars in addition to lecturing at bookstores. It provided stellar experience and really helped to hone my skills but I am at a point now where I feel more comfortable in my own office.

But for many tarot readers, these fairs and other venues can be a great resource for clients, exposure and money. Before you consider donning a costume and signing up for one,let me give you a few insights that may help you decide if you want to be out and about or behind the scenes.

Let’s look at the good, the bad and the ugly,shall we?

The Good:

Public appearances are the easiest and best way to promote yourself. Whether you are on television, in a fair or reading at a public event, you have the opportunity to get yourself in people’s faces. This allows people to see YOU and get a feel for what you are doing. There is no better way to do this. Make sure you bring business cards and brochures to these events!
You can build a client base fast. This is especially important if you are a new reader. Where do you start to find clients? Any public event is sure to attract some new people who may click with you. The more you are out there, the more likely and quickly you will meet potential clients. Some of my best and most loyal clients came from my public appearances!
You can connect with other readers.Community is vital to readers. Many of us work in secret or feel isolated. If you have the opportunity to meet other readers, you can share war stories, support each other and refer when necessary.
You get to wear fun costumes. At some events, like renaissance fairs, you get to be gypsy or knave for the day! If you are the type who likes to play dress up, this is your chance to do it and getaway with it!
You have the chance to educate people about Tarot. There are many misconceptions about Tarot – namely that it is “evil”. These events are an opportunity to dispel myths and allow people to become familiar with the wisdom of the Tarot. My lectures at the bookstores, for example, were an excellent way for me to answer questions about my work.

The Bad:

You have no control over who you will have to serve. Drunks, crazies, rude people –they all can show up at your table and you may be stuck with some potential drama. Years ago, I was at one event and a belligerent drunk started screaming at me and calling me Satan. He went on a tirade for about 20 minutes and no one did ANYTHING. I was extremely frightened. Finally some guy came to my rescue and dragged this jerk away.
Your reputation is tied up to the event. If the host of the affair loses face for any reason, you may be forever linked to their name. Make sure you are working with ethical, reputable people.
The environment may be unsuitable.Outdoor festivals can be thwarted by Mother Nature (I’ve had cards blow away on a windy afternoon!). Indoor venues maybe dirty, loud or unorganized. One time I got set up next to a speaker system and had to scream my readings over the music. Not a fun night in my Tarot career!
You may be forced to wear a costume.Personally, I don’t like to wear one so for me, this is a deal breaker.

The Ugly

You could ripped off. There are some very unscrupulous vendors out there. Be sure to get a contract if possible. Keep good tabs on how many clients you read for. Balance out what you are owed. If they give you a check, be sure you have information handy if the check bounces. I learned these tips from my husband, who is a musician and has dealt with many public events and a few crooked vendors. I’ve been very lucky and this has not happened to me – but I know of others who have had some pretty sour experiences.
Burn out comes quicker. Too many events, long nights, rude people – it can wear your nerves down quicker than you can say Major Arcana. Space these out wisely.
Some vendors are fickle and vicious. I worked long and hard to help another person establish their business only to have them turn on me for no reason. They went out of their way to bash me. Ironically, they failed a few years later and I’m still going strong.
Some readers don’t like to share the spotlight. I attended an event once where another tarot reader copped an attitude with me because she thought I had more clients than her. It created a very uncomfortable vibe in the air and made it hard for me to stay focused on my work. I don’t like being given the stink eye when I am trying to do my job!

Can I close off by making a confession here? I am actually quite introverted. You’d never guess it if you met me. I hide those sweaty palms and the queasiness quite well. For me, being in the spotlight is a scary affair and I rarely venture into it. But if you decide to grab that brass ring and put yourself out there, I tip my hat to you.

Blessings!

Theresa

www.thetarotlady.com

Posted in clients, psychic fairs, public appearances, renaissance fairs, spirit fairs, tarot, tarot readers | 4 Comments »

Crazy On You

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

Any kind of psychic work is bound to attract some strange clientele. On rare occasion, a reading may start out innocently enough but quickly turn ugly. What do you do when a client freaks out on you or starts acting in a manner that is troubling? Here are some sound strategies to consider:

1. Don’t take it personally – Sometimes people are looking for a dumping ground. It may be triggered by something you said in your reading – it may have nothing whatsoever to do with the reading. Do not attach yourself to the client’s issues or reactions. Remain neutral. Do your work from a centered place. When the client is gone, let the reading go. Sometimes a client may even want to blame you if they are having problems. Remember that this is THEIR issue – don’t own it.

2. Set a strong boundary – Don’t do a reading for a client if they are in a distressed state. Chances are, they won’t hear what you say anyway. If a client appears addictive (yes, people can become addicted to psychics), you may want to tell them to only receive readings once a year. Do not allow clients to impose on you – for example, I never allow “quick questions” over the phone as this often leads to me getting an unpaid counseling/reading session with the client and gives them the impression that I am available for dumping at their convenience. Keep regular office hours. I’ve had clients show up at odd hours, demanding I see them because they were having a “crisis”. Now I won’t answer the door if it is not during my regular shift.

3. Learn some general counseling skills – Knowing how to talk to someone if they are having mental issues requires compassionate listening and a therapeutic attitude. There are many fine books about counseling skills. One that I like is “Becoming Naturally Therapeutic” by Jacquelyn Smith.

4. Refer to an expert – I keep phone numbers of good therapists and healers handy. If I have a client who is dealing with an issue that I am not qualified to handle, I make sure to direct them to the proper professional. Remember, if you are not a licensed therapist, it is in YOUR best interest to direct a distraught client to the correct help.

5. Be aware and stay calm – Sometimes we may not be sure of how deep seated a client’s issues are until we begin the reading. Years ago, I had a young woman come to my office and she seemed normal but a bit “odd”. In the middle of the reading, she began sobbing and saying things that were completely bizarre. I instantly realized that she was having a mental breakdown and got her calm. I gave her the number of the therapist and after she left, I called her mother (who was also a client) and alerted her to the daughter’s behavior. She was able to get treatment and is now doing fine.

6. Don’t entertain delusions – If a client begins saying things that seem crazy, do not just go along with it like it is normal. In other words, don’t placate delusions. I was in an occult shop once and a woman walked in, plopped herself down by the Satanist section and began reading a book in earnest. When she was asked if she needed help, she replied “I just took this quiz about Satanic witchcraft and it says I am a Satanic Witch.” While some of the staff started laughing, I began talking to her and discovered she had stopped taking her medication the day before. Putting the book back on the shelf, I encouraged her to visit her therapist and get back on her meds.

7. Show them the door – If the reading becomes creepy or uncomfortable, it may be time to show the client the door. Do not keep someone in your office, especially if they seem that they could become dangerous. I had an obsessive client that would call constantly and even showed up at my door, unannounced. I started to become frightened of him and had to tell him VERY firmly not to come around any longer and I had to threaten police involvement. That is a bit extreme but personal safety should not be compromised. If I feel a client may not be stable, I make sure to schedule an appointment when my husband is home. And I refuse to see anyone who is beyond my help or scary.

And remember – this will be rare. Most people who come for readings are wonderful, warm and grounded.
Blessings!
Theresa
www.thetarotlady.com

Posted in clients, tarot, tarot readers | 8 Comments »